


It’s so beautiful, the way you try

by SoGayitWrites



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Hollstein is gross, Hurt/Comfort, based on the trailer and that damn kiss pic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 03:52:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8041453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoGayitWrites/pseuds/SoGayitWrites
Summary: Carmilla is tired.She’s tired of watching Laura stuffing her mouth with sugary snacks, surrounded by dozen of wrappers scattered across the blankets she hasn’t left in days.She’s tired of seeing her enraptured by the fate of Connecticut’s petite bourgeoisie, and enduring comments about coffee and graduating fictional characters, when they all know she’s losing herself in the TV show to escape reality.Carmilla is tired and she decides to do something about it.





	It’s so beautiful, the way you try

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there, Creampuffs :)
> 
> Apparently, I let some of you guys convince me to post my writing on here and on Tumblr "because last season of Carmilla" (I'm not ready), and I'm quite nervous about it because this is my first official fic for the Carmilla fandom AND on ao3. So I hope you're going to enjoy it, even a tiny bit xx
> 
> PS. It's 6am, I've been writing all night, and even though I've reread the whole thing multiple times, I'm sure you'll find mistakes. You can totally blame me for any of them

Carmilla is tired.

She’s tired of watching Laura stuffing her mouth with sugary snacks, surrounded by dozen of wrappers scattered across the blankets she hasn’t left in days.

She’s tired of dust and mold and aggressive encyclopedias. She’s tired of trying to figure out what the curly version of Mommy dearest is up to, of being the only one helping the Bio Major when Laura used to be the one to drag her inside this damn same library at dusk for “research”.

She’s tired of seeing Laura enraptured by the fate of Connecticut's petite bourgeoisie, of enduring comments about coffee and graduating fictional characters, when they all know she’s losing herself in this show to escape reality.

She’s tired of the banter and bickering from across the room, when they have so much to talk about. Where is the Laura that used to launch herself into vibrant rants every other hour? Carmilla misses her, as ironic as it sounds, and would give anything to hear the little nerd say that “she knew she didn’t do it for her” one more time. Hell, she would even be pleased if Laura asked her to be her hero once again.

But instead, there are tiny soldiers and biting books and supernatural seisms, and she’s so damn tired. They’ve spent two days, with the gingersnap, slaying fire breathing cockroaches for the three of them, so when all Laura has to say about it is a complaint about a scorch mark on the coffee table, Carmilla snaps.

She snaps and storms inside the kitchen, grumbling about how the library could be helpful for a change and make healthy dinners appear, instead of throwing books at her face. She rattles pans and bowls as she goes through the cupboards, until she turns around and there’s a plate of pasta waiting for her on the counter. It’s cold, but there’s meat and even vegetables in there so she’s not about to complain. Muttering “it’s about time” under her breath, she sets the pan onto the stove and stomps back into the main room.

Her aim is to stand between the lounge chair and the coffee table, just between Laura and the screen of her precious laptop. The reaction is immediate. With a huff and a shooing hand gesture, Laura squirms in her seat to keep her eyes on the screen.

“Carmilla! Could you maybe stand somewhere else? I’m trying to figure out if Paris and Rory could become canon.”

“Well, playtime’s over.”

“Says who?!”

“Says me.” Carmilla reaches behind her and snaps the laptop shut.

“Hey! I was watching that!”

Carmilla ignores her and starts to throw away the alarming amount of wrappers littering the chair before finally moving aside the blankets Laura has buried herself in.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Carmilla ignores her again, wraps her fingers around her wrists to make her stand and doesn’t let go until Laura is seated at the dinner table.

“Don’t move.”

She disappears inside the kitchen, and Laura is too stunned, too confused as to what is happening to challenge Carmilla’s order. When she comes back and puts a steamy plate before her, Laura blinks twice. 

“Eat.”

“What is this?”

“I know it’s been a long time, Cupcake, but that’s what a healthy meal looks like.”

“Where did you get this? Carmilla, what’s going-”

“Eat.”

The inflection in her voice leaves no room for discussion, and Laura has learned with time that when Carmilla’s jaw clenches and there’s fire in her eyes, the battle is not worth fighting. She picks up the fork and starts eating.

After a few bites, Carmilla’s glare has become so intense that she can feel it burning a hole into the side of her head, and Laura can’t stand it anymore. She jabs the fork into the pastas, picks up the plate and begins to stand.

“Okay, so um... It’s delicious, thank you. I think I’m going- I’m going to finish it in the lounge chair. It’s kind of depressing to eat at this table alone...”

Laura tries to walk around Carmilla and reach the coffee table, but she meets a wall as she realizes Carmilla has no intention to move. She even widens her stance to keep Laura exactly where she is.

“Let me go.”

“No.”

“Carmilla, let me go!”

“Why? So you can go back to watching your show full of privileged narcissists and pretend that everything’s fine?”

“They’re not- ugh, whatever. You don’t get to tell me what to do! I’ll do whatever I want, and what I want right now is to watch the end of my episode. So, move.”

“No. You’re going to sit back down, finish your plate, take a shower because I can smell you from across the room, and then you’re going to do your very best impersonation of Veronica Mars to help the ginger and I get out of this library.”

“Why do you- why would any of us even want a way out?! This dusty death trap is quiet, at least... And safe. Kind of. More than the Campus has ever been, anyway. I don’t want to get out. I just want to binge watch my show in peace.”

Carmilla suddenly crowds her personal space and backs her up against the table, searching her face, before looking directly into her eyes.

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do.”

“What about the friends you left behind? What about Betty Crocker? You’re just going to let my mother uses her body as she pleases? She’s drilling into the Campus ground at this very moment, and who knows what she did to the student body already.” Carmilla steps even closer, pressing a hand into the table behind Laura. “You want to tell me you don’t care about any of that?” 

“What difference does it make if I care or not?!” Laura retorts, her voice tight with frustration. “They’re better off without me trying to save everyone! They have better chances to survive, even, if I don’t get involve. I’d just...I’d just make it worse.”

Carmilla frowns, and her chest tightens as she realizes Laura actually believes that. Her hand reaches out, wanting to cup her cheek, to soothe her, but she remembers in time that she has lost the privilege to do that. She balls her hand into a fist instead and places it on the table, opposite to the one already framing Laura. With a sad smile, she says “that’s not true, Cupcake.”

“But it is! Carmilla, it is! I got Laf pod-peopled, Kirsch kidnapped, and the entire Campus destroyed because I couldn’t just...let go!” Laura’s voice is high pitched and distressed as she tells what she thinks she’s guilty of, her forearms flailing around Carmilla’s shoulders. “All of the journalism students got murdered because they picked things up where I left off! I’m responsible for your sister’s death and I...I got-” A strangled sob passes her lips, her fingers gripping the sleeve of Carmilla’s shirt. “I got Danny killed. And god knows what happened to Kirsch, and JP. It’s... We don’t even know if Perry is still in there, somewhere. I can’t-”

Carmilla doesn't stop herself this time and slides fingers through the strand of hair tucked behind Laura’s ear. It cuts off her shaky rambling, stops the tears from falling, and forces her to breathe, even if it’s in short, quick bursts. Carmilla swallows, hard, trying to not show what seeing Laura so heartbroken does to her. She needs to be strong. She has to guide Laura back to herself.

“You’re right. All of that happened. And yes, you’ve played a part in some of that.” Her voice is thick and breathy as she says the words, but a shy loving smile finds its way to her lips. “You are flawed, Laura. And struggling and uncertain but it’s so... _beautiful_ , the way you try.” She slides her other hand into Laura’s hair and holds tight. “You saved your roommate, when nobody cared about these girls. You rescued Ginger 1 and the big puppy, and defeated my mother’s army of vampires. You made me care.”

Laura casts her gaze downward, tears rolling down her cheeks, but a tentative hand wraps around Carmilla’s wrist, as if she’s trying to hold onto a little bit of hope.

“You prevented the Campus from being sold in pieces, Cupcake, as well as the student body from being cut into pieces. You fought with all you got when you realized Vordenberg was actually a bit smarter that what he seemed to be. I know no one more determined than you are to do the right thing, to fight for those who can’t. That’s who you are, Laura. Mistakes, naivety, idealism and all. And we need that right now. We need hope, and crazy theories, and stupid courage. We need you. _I_ need you. Laura, if it wasn’t for you, I’d be dead ri-”

Carmilla doesn’t get to finish her sentence. Laura’s lips are on hers, warm, wet. They’re desperate, searching as her hands wraps around the back of her neck. Carmilla makes sure to kiss her back with all the love and passion she possesses, pulling her closer and closer until she feels Laura’s body tense and froze.

Laura panics. All the emotions she had buried for the past few weeks are suddenly flooding her chest, and it’s too much, too fast. Carmilla is making her feel again, care again and she can’t breathe. She knows it’s inevitable. She’s going to break.  
But then, Carmilla kisses her again, slow, gentle, as she grabs one of her hands to set it over her heart. It beats, strong and steady under her palm, and suddenly, air reaches into her lungs and she can breathe again. Carmilla’s lips, Carmilla’s hands, Carmilla’s love are putting her back together, slowly, and Laura knows, she just knows that if Carmilla stays around this time to help and keep her together, she will try, try, and try again.


End file.
